The Fertility Show: When Stepping Back Becomes the Step Forward

Written by Tracey Sainsbury, Fertility Counsellor

Prior to the Fertility Show we had a bi-annual event called National Infertility Day, it was very much focussed on infertility, no baby pictures allowed, seemingly being protective of those attending. The event ran from 2000 until the first Fertility Show in 2009 introduced a more dynamic, real approach to empowering people about their fertility choices.

I’ve been privileged to speak at most of the events and the Fertility Show remains the largest and most significant event in the United Kingdom for anyone considering conceiving, fertility preservation or to enhance their understanding of assisted conception, with support and information available for single people and those in any sort of relationship. It’s an amazing experience to attend in person, or to watch back after the event - but it can also be overwhelming.

Tracey Sainsbury (far left) speaking at The Fertility Show 2026 - with Alice Rose and Seetal Savla

There is a lot of information out there, which at times can be confusing, hence it being so important to give time to remember self-care, allowing space to pause and process.  There are no time limitations on processing.

‘I attended the show in 2023, still very much hoping to conceive naturally, but I wanted to have a plan for what next, just in case. When we needed tests and later IVF I felt much better prepared. I knew who I wanted to reach out to and what resources I wanted to find out more about.’

Whether you are in the preparatory stages of exploring options or seeking information to consider alternative pathways the event brings together leading experts, not just for you to read about, but to ask your questions, the seminars give space to learn from peers, their questions often mirroring what you were thinking but hadn’t yet worked out the questions to ask. This is why it is so great that you can watch back after the event until the end of July, you don’t need to miss anything and can note-take both at the event and reflect later from home.

Planning a fertility journey can feel like you need a spreadsheet, but in counselling my work looks at instead creating a mood board. No fixed boundaries, scope to explore and no set timelines. The goal is contentment, hoping for one, or more, children in the future, but acknowledging the lack of guarantee of any fertility pathway; contentment is knowing you have done enough, this is often unimaginable, but if you reach it, you find a safe place where you are ready for life’s directions to change.

It’s for this reason the Fertility Show has never been about focusing solely on the positives, suggesting IVF always works, or that it is an easy straightforward journey, talks and information is included around donor conception, adoption and finding out more from people who knew when the time was right for them to stop, sometimes considering alternative nurturing pathways or a smaller family than was hoped for are all part of the packed agenda.

‘Adoption wasn’t for us, or so we thought, we had secondary infertility and did our first IVF in 2020, getting in just before the clinics closed. We decided eventually to be a family of three, but in 2022 when considering egg donation, we came across our adoption agency at the Fertility Show, we did try donor conception, but speaking to the team at the show demystified some of the assumptions we had made. We’d planned to adopt one child to complete our family, but getting approved for two allowed us to welcome our twins. Being a family of five had felt impossible, but now it’s our daily reality.’

Self-care comes in many different shapes and sizes; a notebook or series of voice notes can be helpful to read or listen to after the show. If you opted for one seminar but saw many people at another, and had a fear of missing out moment, it’s OK, the team have your back! Wait a week and you can view the seminars you attended and those you missed or didn’t have capacity to attend.

For some the show provides a weekend that promotes feeling more secure, for others it can highlight a lack of control. There are no rights or wrongs to how long to stay or how many seminars to attend, or people to speak to. Go with what feels right for you, this is enough. Your head can be busy, but I always suggest listening to your body, do you need to pause, having a chat with one of the support services exhibiting can provide a lighter moment, in addition to possibly introducing a new resource for you.

You might decide to step out and take a walk, and for some there’s a need to leave earlier than planned; the flip side, many of my clients return unexpectedly for the second day, not wanting to miss the vibe of the in-person talks or to visit the exhibitors they now want to speak to having got home and read the leaflet handed out the day before. If you aren’t up to speaking to everyone you want to, take their information and drop an email.

‘After our miscarriages we were waiting for our NHS treatment to start, their pathway is very set, which was fine for us, but there were some additional tests that I wanted to know more about being discussed at the Fertility Show,  these were not routinely available until you’ve had more losses, but I felt if I could do something else to help I’d give it a go. In the end our treatment happened more quickly than we expected, and all was good, but I think feeling more relaxed about our options helped me to cope during our treatment and more so during my next pregnancy.’

The exhibitors and speakers at the show recognise the importance of patient empowerment and questions are always welcomed. While personal medical advice usually requires a more detailed medical history shared during an appointment, having the opportunity to speak with an expert or potential clinic beforehand can often be incredibly helpful.

Thankfully research reassures that stress doesn’t impact the outcome of assisted conception treatment, but it very much impacts on how the appropriate stress of trying to conceive is managed. When life feels too stressful, something often has to give, one of the common reasons for ending treatment ahead of optimizing the potential for success, is because it is too stressful. Relationships, family, work, can all suffer owing to the added pressure of lack of control around a much-wanted pregnancy Instead of trying to avoid or clinically control stress, we look at accepting it as a frustrating routine part of a fertility journey.

‘I found the Fertility Show so helpful, I was going 100 miles an hour, next IVF, tick, find new clinic, tick, research new add on, tick! I’d lost me. Slowing down, taking time out wasn’t something I’d considered, until one of the consultants I spoke to asked what my end goal was?  I think I’d lost me and us along the way. Time out to reconnect, reassess and make a plan together helped us get to now, lovers, friends, partners with a shared focus on achieving our dreams, at a pace that builds us.’

How to successfully manage stress is key, and for this we need to remember to STOP when things feel overwhelming. A sense of overwhelm can come on quickly or build overtime. Preparing for overwhelm can be so helpful, not just thinking about what helps you to relax, but what helps you to feel safe.

What helps to soothe, not just the adult you, but every age you have lived through will have had hopes, dreams and fantasies around how life would be at the age you are now. Do remember to factor in soothing activities for the younger you, not just the outer adult. Be a bit retro, especially with box sets, meals, even things to touch, a favored mug or a soft blanket, maybe a knitted jumper that you wouldn’t wear out, can all help to reassure.  Be playful when building your own sensory tool kit.

If you feel stress is impacting, whether at the Fertility Show, or at any time…

STOP

Stop, physically stop, stop what you’re doing.

Take a step back, if you can, imagine your body shifting if physically moving is not possible.

Observe, pause and do a quick body scan, where in your body are the feelings, how old are you feeling, what can help to soothe to feel safe?  All of your senses will be hypervigilant, the extra sensitivity is a blessing – what can you taste, touch, see, or listen to that helps to soothe. Sometimes just thinking about an action can be enough to continue.

Proceed when you’re ready, continue.

Since 2024 we’ve formally acknowledged infertility as a trauma, a life impacting situation with no control, or ability to influence the outcome. Stress is very appropriate, but so much attention focusses on not being stressed, rather than managing it well. Your self-care feedback loop, Overwhelm, STOP, Soothe, Proceed, promotes self-care when planning conception, during fertility treatment and into pregnancy too.

An important lesson for people planning, but often more so for friends and family. Make sure they know stress is normal and they can play a part in being proactively helpful.

This year’s Fertility Show has some amazing exhibitors and speakers about the medical side of treatment and around support too. Listen to the talks, chat to the exhibitors, ask questions, take notes, and have something ready for dinner or a takeaway planned.

When you’re ready, plan your next steps, in the direction that feels right, when it feels right.

Ultimately, the Fertility Show reminds us that there is no single “right” path to parenthood and that sometimes, giving yourself permission to pause, breathe and reassess is not stepping away from the journey, but the very thing that helps you move forward with hope, clarity and compassion for yourself.