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In my eyes I failed my husband and family, because to be infertile, meant that I was broken, and not a “real” woman.

This made the experience feel even more isolating after my GP confirmed that I would need fertility treatment to help us conceive. I was too embarrassed to share this with anyone, and would be breaking protocol if I did, (as fertility issues are taboo and shouldn’t be discussed outside of close family).

In February 2016, I registered with our local hospital’s fertility clinic, and by August later that year the heartbreak continued after having 6 failed cycles of ovulation

One of the toughest things about being a Mum after a long and gruelling infertility journey is the invisible scars that we carry with us every day, the hairline fractures in our hearts and the triggers that we contend with daily.

For women from ethnic minorities, those scars sometimes run a little deeper. As a South Asian Woman found that Culture, Conditioning and Colonisation played a huge role in my infertility story.

I’ve never been a patient person. Once I’ve set my mind on something, it’s in my nature to want it to come into fruition as soon as possible. I’ll work for it, and I’ll do whatever it is I need to do to get there. Ambitious perhaps; fiercely determined. Having a baby for me was no different; I wanted it more than anything and I’d have broken my back trying to get there. I was used to challenges, in fact in life I often say I like a challenge, but trying to conceive flipped that all on its head. I didn’t like the challenge, I didn’t want the challenge, and the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world felt completely unattainable.

“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat," were those five gut wrenching words. From the moment you hear them, your life changes forever.

I can sit here and categorically tell you that pre-baby loss me and “the right here, right now me” are two entirely different people. Pre-baby loss, I had an air of innocence, maybe even ignorance. As if it would never happen to me? Until it did... 

And more importantly, why wouldn’t it?  Because that was the first question I asked myself: Why was this happening to me? What did I do wrong, and why my baby? 

My journey with infertility started when I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (POI) at the age of 29 after 18 months of trying to conceive naturally. We were very naively unaware of any fertility issues, but after 18 months of negative pregnancy tests followed by our first round IVF with my own eggs without a single embryo, we were shocked to hear the news that we should consider an alternative route to parenthood.

I’d heard about the Fertility Show whilst having my IVF treatment but had never attended, so when it came on the market I felt I had a lot to offer in helping it grow and develop. I would use my personal experience of infertility to shape its future. During my times at the Show, I discovered donor conception and it started to dawn on me that donor eggs could potentially work for us. Now in my mid 40’s, the chance of having success with my own eggs was very low. But a donor egg would be younger, and I started to think that maybe, just maybe, we should give it one last try…

Hi, I’m Hayley and I discovered late in life that I am donor conceived – in the early 1980’s, as part of pioneering IVF treatment my parents had used an anonymous sperm donor to have me due to my dad’s infertility. Whilst it was a huge shock to find this truth out in my 30’s, it was sadly very common for parents to keep this information hidden from everyone based on the advice of professionals and doctors at that time

This week I had the pleasure of talking to some of the wonderful team at Victory Reproductive Care in Ontario, Canada. Led by their Founder Dr. Rahi Victory, Victory Reproductive Care are clearly passionate in helping individuals and couples on their journey to parenthood.On meeting Dr Victory, he emphasised the importance of personalised care; ”We really strive to understand the patients, and understand their goals and their needs” said Dr. Victory, “then we tailor the treatment we offer to what they actually need.”

It wasn’t the longest journey.

I did not lose any pregnancies.

How then, can I profess to understand the grief of infertility? Or write about how I lived through it?

Grief is ‘very great sadness, especially at the loss of someone’.

I don’t think I even realised at the time, month after month, that I was in fact grieving someone; someone who I didn’t yet know, who didn’t yet physically exist.

Someone who I longed to hold, care for, love.

The emotional roller coaster of trying to conceive can take its toll on our mental health and yet it’s often something that gets forgotten about amongst a sea of clinic appointments and cycle tracking. Burnout, anxiety and even depression are all incredibly common within the fertility community and if we don’t make our well-being a priority, it can make the challenges we face feel a million times harder.

Hi. I’m Shaun. I’m a man. I’m infertile. That’s not something you hear very often, is it? That’s exactly why I’m here. Struggling with fertility is tough for anyone who experiences it. There’s a lot of undue shame and secrecy about infertility in general, but when the complications stem from the male side, that shame and secrecy increases exponentially – and that’s why I decided to share my story.

One of our Ambassadors new to the stage is Shema Tariq. We were delighted to speak to Shema recently and find out a little more about her and her fertility story.

This month, Conservative MP Miriam Cates raised concerns that women are being exploited by large corporations who offer them money to freeze their eggs. This is to put off having children to a later age, presumably to concentrate on their careers should they want to.

The MP, herself a mother-of-three, said she was concerned that women would be “falsely reassured” into deciding to delay pregnancy until later life. Her main concerns were “if you freeze your eggs after the age of 35 or so, they are not good quality enough to likely result in a later pregnancy”.

But just how true is this? Well, if there’s one thing we are aiming for here at The Fertility Show, it’s to help you gain an understanding about your future fertility. With this in mind, it’s unsurprising there’s been a significant interest in egg freezing over the last few years.

In a heartfelt discussion on Let's All Talk Fertility last week, Andrew Merriman - one half of the adoptive dad duo known as “The Merrimans” on Instagram - shared with us his journey through the adoption process and the joys and challenges that come with it.

IVF London was formed in 2018, with the aim of providing comprehensive support and empowering patients in their fertility journey. In my experience, patients don’t want to feel as if they are on a "conveyor belt” for treatment. IVF London aims to change that, by offering a boutique clinic experience. It’s a small clinic in Borehamwood, located between Stanmore and Watford, with easy access to major road networks.

Eugin Clinic in Madrid is a part of the group of Eugin clinics around the world. “We are in 11 countries, with more than 70 centres, which gives us the opportunity to treat several couples with different problems and leads us to have a huge experience in treating patients with real proactive problems." explained Dr Alexandra

Our journey started in 2015 after a missed miscarriage at our 12-week scan two weeks before we got married. It completely turned our world upside down. We then continued trying, and I got pregnant again a year later, but unfortunately, early on I knew something was wrong and this time I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum miscarriage. After trying again for another two years and without success, we went to the doctors for help and after initial tests for both of us, we were referred to the fertility clinic, who then diagnosed us with unexplained infertility.

This week on Let’s all Talk Fertility, I spoke to Psychotherapist Alejandra Losada Andrade. This conversation is important, as infertility is not just a physical challenge, it's a profound emotional journey that can deeply affect a person’s mental health. Alejandra Losada Andrade, an integrative psychotherapist specialising in infertility, gynecological, and antenatal issues, gave good insight into the psychological impact of infertility and offers guidance on coping strategies.